So we fought, Dad and I, over and over and over again. But we worked together, too. Sometimes once he realized he wouldn't be able to dissuade me from a course of action, he would heave a big sigh and then help me instead. Sometimes he would heave a big sigh and just walk away.
My mother paid me for my hours, albeit at workman's wages, and celebrated the things I accomplished. Dad grudged me every penny.
Now that the year is over and he can physically see what I have done, I thought it might impress him. I showed him the numbers and the animals and I could see him calculating what it was worth. I asked him now if he would consent to giving me a freer reign. I asked him to make an effort of not arguing with me without thinking first. For my part, I stopped bullying, threatening, or indulging in outbursts of anger. I asked him to make peace with me now that he could see what I was trying to do from the start. I asked him if I made the farm even more prosperous than I had already done if he would share that prosperity with me or at least with my brother. (Joe's been quietly and consistently working away at the farm for years and years now.)
He said no. On some level I think he's realized that I'm trying not to be angry at him anymore. This, unfortunately, puts me at quite a disadvantage when dealing with him.
He told me that the liberties I already had taken made his head hurt, and that he felt like I shouldn't expect wages above the poverty line. After all, there are thousands of high school drop-outs that would be glad to make $20,000 a year, so why shouldn't I be happy with it? The fact that I never dropped out of anything didn't seem to matter.
I didn't get upset. I'm trying to give up anger as an everyday tool. It's useful but dangerous. So instead, I simply heaved a sigh of my own and gave him my two weeks notice. I still help on Saturdays, but it's a far cry from the seven day work weeks I pulled back in high summer. (Addendum: I often only worked half days during summer, I just worked at least a half day everyday.) I like the Saturday work. It lets me keep an eye on things.
For his part, Dad didn't get upset and barely tried to send me on a guilt trip at all when I gave my notice. He often complains that there seems to be a lot more work for him to do now, though. He doesn't seem to draw the connection. More importantly, though, there are the following things; the things this year that Dad did right.
The Things Dad did Right:
#1. When he saw how many animals I was successfully raising, Dad spent a lot of time and money building a brand-new heifer barn. We all helped but Dad spearheaded it. It looks great and should be operational in just a few weeks. To reiterate for emphasis: This year he built an entire new barn with full facilities just for the sake of our previously neglected young heifers.
#2. Over a decade ago Dad switched from Holstein Cows to Jersey Cows. This really doesn't have anything to do with our latest arguments but we are still reaping the benefits of easier calf births and he deserves a lot of gratitude for it. It has, in fact, reduced the suffering and death due to birthing to less than 1% amongst our little brown cows.
#3. Dad has decided to keep up with the changes I made to the animal rearing practices. He started the inoculation program and he built the quarantine pens years ago on both accounts. I just happened to be the person who started using them properly. I think he means it, when he says he isn't going to let things backslide again. I'm still going to keep a close eye on him, though.
This about wraps things up. I've started tutoring again. It's less hassle, more money, and a lot more gratitude from the people I'm helping. Dad didn't believe me when I told him I was taking a hit financially to help him with the farm. I've stopped trying to convince him.
That being said I'm not sure what my relationship will be like with either the farm or my father in the coming years. Dad doesn't hold grudges the way that I do, especially not when it comes to family. I do hold grudges though, and my respect for him is highly conditional on whether he slips back into habits of extreme neglect when it comes to the livestock. With the new facilities, though, I think it's going to be a lot easier to keep him on the strait and narrow.
Since I gave him my two weeks notice (about a month ago) we haven't had anything to fight about. Things have been good between us. He seems to like me better if he doesn't have to pay me, for one thing, and I have seen that the conditions for our animals are no longer shameful. Calving season doesn't start again until late March. We'll see how things go between us then.
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